I'm Afraid of Not Being Lonely

I have created this comfortable place;

It keeps me strong from day to day.

It is where my mind will stay safe and secure

And all I will ever need is my own cold embrace.

I have conquered the world on my own.

I have learned to feel safety with no home.

Nothing can cut through this skin.

I've been training long and hard to be this happy alone.

It keeps me real in a world of pain.

It keeps me sane when I feel I am about to fall.

It gains me experience in this world full of decisions.

But madness tends to happen when it starts to rain.

I'm afraid of not being lonely.

I used to be so good at this game.

But lately I have started to wonder

If things are really better staying the same.

Oh, I've got this issue, it is very clear.

I have become too comfortable on my own.

I don't allow others to lift me up and carry me

Because of this deep, irrational fear.

You have brought to the surface what I have kept hidden.

I have been put in a confusing spell.

But I can't let it show or define me;

Which will make it impossible for you to find your way in. 

Yeah, I'm terrified of not being lonely.

So I am terrified of you.

You are strong enough to get it out of me.

But my consciousness doesn't want to let me lose this war; if only.

I am not afraid because I think too much.

That is something I am very used to.

I am only afraid because I wish to be comfortable

Only ever thinking of you.