For Abelina

When we lose someone we love

Things are never the same

I know now that you are a beautiful angel above

Watching over those who love your name

There is a reason for every thing

Though it is hard to secure in my thoughts

You are up there with our Heavenly King

You are loved and you shine in my heart like a million watts

I will never fail to remember you

Being gone doesn't mean you are absent from my life

Up to heaven you flew

Yet you are still here to help me get through my trials and strife

Humanity Can Only Be Found on Two Knees

Humanity is gone

You are stuck in a world where people think right is wrong

Jolting your head back and forth

Because you no longer feel safe on this treacherous Earth

When you are even cautious to walk past your own window

That's when you know there's only one place to go

Your knees give you the needed embrace

For the tears and wrinkles which lay on your face

Bow your head and pour your heart

That's all you have left to give as your part

Innocents lay dead

And the cruelty of others will pound in your head

Living in fear seems to now be the end

And you have all seemed to have lost at least one of your friends

Comfort is scarce and hard to find

It's almost impossible to imagine a happy finish line

No one would ever think again to be surprised

When more hearts are shattered and no one ends up fine

Nevermore Surrender

The heart is insufficient

It makes them so impatient

Giving many reasons not to say

Why things don't end up the right way

They succeed to fool it because they know

They can use it to play and grow

Thinking of themselves and nothing else

It's never been a matter of sanity or health

They take it's savings of all it's years

And only stop to look at it's pile of tears

When all it can do is breathe

They have better things to seethe

No understatements will be assured

All that could be found are the things they injured

They vigorously summoned the fear

Now it will be insane to persevere 

They march in to burn it down

But it's hard to find strength in an evening gown

Rip up the fabric and link it to their wrists

Good things will happen when they can't resist

Put the mind to rest and leave the mess for the next

The fearful's been conquered with passed up effects

Alone on My Own

This is me marching into the dark

The only thing I have left is a soft glow of an idea that I strongly believe in

Step by step

Moving blindly forward

Never stopping

Remembering when life was lit for me

I took it for granted

I didn't understand

Now I have to find my own light

Based off of my own hope and desire

Some ideas fail

Some never even grow

I won't let it stop me

Nothing can hold me back

I have my own determination

It can't be stolen

It can't be ruined

It can't be stopped

Laying out in the dark isn't so scary anymore

When I can look up and see the stars spelling out HOPE

Darkness gives me peace

It gives me strength 

It gives me time to think

When my life was lit for me, I could never look up

Fear captured me

Now that the lights have been shut off, I can never look down

My fear left behind its cage

Spontaneity, hope, and determination have taken control 

Sapience

The emotions triggered have me ready to detonate

If everything were right and sane we would have much more to emulate

We are spitting out fire from the ice inside our souls

One thing is for sure, and it is not the cure

It's what makes us want to regurgitate

Stereotypical ingenuity will stay away from the ordeal

Love has a way of keeping me looking towards the ideal

The example of a saved life explodes the gunpowder in my heart

Making me bleed out my fear and hope of my beneficial anneal

My thoughts clash against me

My past tries to haunt me

I feel so unworthy

But the conquer will not be against me

Even with no fence to protect me

The more I am beaten and ignored

The more I grow and become restored

The more undertaking I am forced to endure

The more I earn peace, my place, and reward 

Surrounded by Lonely

She's the one ignored

And she never asks for more

She never finds a complaint

And she always opens the door

She finally found a best friend

One she could always love to mend and lend

Now her friend says that she is too adored

And so it turns to face a bitter end

Whenever others get bored

She is the one who gives something to live toward

Her love gives others wings

She won't let let things go unexplored

Yet demeaning makes her feel like she's dreaming

Inside her mind she is really screaming

They only treat her with one accord

Even when the drops of salt water are streaming

Her mind's tangled up around a loose cord

And she knows things with them are far from being restored

Maybe all she needs is a new start

To mend her heart and give her the deserved reward

Let It Out

There will come a time in everyone's lives

Where they will have to realize

That their own heart is the only thing they can always rely on

Friends will always have their own say

And families always seem to be so far away

So whenever you feel like you can't see anything but gray

Your tears will never disappoint you

They are always there to help you think

And keep feelings around when everything else starts to sink

Never lose hope and things will pay off

When you are sick with defeat

And feel like those around you only know how to mistreat

Don't let them take your susceptibility

Let your emotions shine through

Because no matter what, they will always be there for you

Don't let the ocean of carelessness seize what is yours

Fight the current that struggles so much to bring you along

Tears do not mean you are defeated or wrong

The most honest thing you could ever do is cry

So cure the fever of loneliness inside

Keep the drops flowing from your eyes until you're dry

Move forward and know there is always a cause

It's amazing what salty water can do with your flaws

Endurance

The things that soothe the soul

Are not always the things that will put you in control

They can take you to a far away place

But you will eventually have to return and face your mistakes

Sitting around in an empty lonely home

Has the tendency of wiping that smile off your face

When you want to be happy, make it so

Don't let your life stay on the plateau

The ups and downs of a static heartbeat

Are exactly what you need to enjoy your life's show

When no one seems to be saying what you want to hear

And those that you love can't make anything sincere

Just make sure you know that they are human too

And maybe they're the ones who need you to make them endear

Difficulties are followed with sparks of hope

Even though they feel heavy and won't let you float

The weights that are often hooked into your heart

Can be taken away after that long rising slope

The persistence you show will pay off after all

Just always remember to hold and not fall

Prescriptions handed to you can't cure the disease

They won't cure anything when they make you feel so small

I'M BACK

Ok...So, I realized how much I hated blogging. It seemed boring and I definitely didn't want to take a picture of myself every day. I found something that I love to do though that I finally feel ready to share. So...here goes...
I love writing poetry/lyrics. Even though I may not be very good, and a lot of these probably need some work, I still want to put them down on this blog so I can store them someplace. I'm running out of room in my Humanities notebook. Haha.
Anyways, the thoughts that I write are mostly the ones I'm trying to get off my mind. It soothes my soul when I have no other place to go. This is just how I express my feelings' meanings according to my mind, but feel free to interpret them however you'd like.
This is the first one that I decided that I wanted to share. Enjoy!

Worth isn't Measured Until the End

It's the one thing she sees

But just cannot seem to please

The pieces of her heart can't seem to find her eyes

So she keeps them inside and sits in her defaulted disguise

Making her happy is easy to do

But it's even enjoyable to be lost in a zoo

It's easy to know what is deep in her soul

When you look in her eyes and see a sign of a goal

She can't seem to hide no matter how hard she tries

Why can't it tell her what it feels inside

It conditions its mind to be the hardest to find

It destroys the easy path to a relationship divine

It is lucky to  have found something so profound

And this girl easily stands above her ground

The beautiful thing she has found to persist

Will undoubtedly be the last on her list

Remedies and tragedies will all find their worth

When she's drowning in victory and happiness on Earth

The one thing she loves above all the rest

Will never attest what it knows is the best

Endearing and sweet it will finally meet 

And an eventual change of the heart it will treat

Then the disguise of the eyes on both sides of this lie

Will crumble together to make the two fly.

There's hope!

I have been a horrible blogger. (As you all probably already know). So, I have decided to turn this into a picture blog. I stole some ideas from roommates, aunts, and friends and have decided to take a picture once a week or once a day (I can't decide) for an entire year. The catch is that you're all going to have to wait to see my face on here until my birthday on September 1st. :) See you in a couple months.

College vs. High School

People always told me that the people you meet in College will mean so much more to you than anyone you've ever met in high school. I didn't know how true that was until this last semester ended. I can definitely say I have a new best friend, who I know I will keep in touch with for probably the rest of my life. My relationships with boys also mean so much more to me than they did in high school. These times are hard, but the best times I have had in my life so far. I love being independent in the world, and meeting and getting to know new people.

I came home for a week, and the friends I have here in Canon City, Colorado are so lame! I love visiting my family and I LOVE Colorado, but I think I'm ready for the new semester up in Rexburg. I start classes next Tuesday the 17th. I miss the friends I have in Rexburg, and now the ones that aren't in Rexburg anymore. (Especially Camie Schulthies). Camie wrote me a letter before I left for Colorado. I'll have to put a copy of it on here. It made me cry. I'll also have to put up some pictures of my visit right now to CO. I've been having a good time. :)

Lost but Never Forgotten

‎"The Master Gardener from Heaven above, planted a seed in the garden of love. And from it there grew a rosebud small, that never had the time to open at all. For God in His perfect and all-wise way, chose this rosebud for His Heavenly Bouquet. And great was the joy of this tiny rose, to be the one our Father chose, to leave earth's garden for one on high, where roses bloom always and never die." 

As of yesterday 3 of my friends have passed away and left this life. The first, Abelina. She died more than a year and a half ago in July. This quote was on her funeral program. She was one of my best friends and was my best friend in the LDS Church. The second, Sammi. She was my friend ever since 4th grade. She died a year ago in February. And now the third, Daniel. He passed away yesterday. I wish I knew him better, but he was such a friendly, happy, talented guy. His smile lit up everyone's day. He will be greatly missed. This quote gives me so much comfort in life and I hope that it can comfort any one who has lost a loved one before they were even old enough to really start their life. (Like these 3 friends of mine). 

Pros & Cons

There has been so much change this semester. It has made me realize some things and also want to change some things about me. So here's a little list of the top pros and cons of this semester for me so far.

PROS: 

• Roommates (Seriously, you guys mean so much to me)
• Skype and my cell phone (Except my family needs to use them more often ;) )
• Free time (which equals having a social life)
• Devotional on Tuesdays (Lately all the talks seem to be directly towards me)
• My calling at church (Gospel Doctrine teacher--who knew that would make the pro list)
• New friends (aka my FHE family--I love them :) )
• Boys (We all knew that was coming :P )

CONS:

• No job (Still haven't found anything)
• Rude people (You mess with my friends, then you're messing with me)
• Wind (Seriously! Why does Idaho have to be so dang windy?!?!)
• Having no money (Hence, the job search...)
• Colorado withdrawals (I need me some MOUNTAINS!! and family of course.)

So obviously there are more pros than cons, which is a good thing, but this semester has been such a crucial, important, learning time in my life. I'm learning so much about myself. 

 This is my FHE family. They are all so great.

 This is me and my roommate Anna. I love her so much. I'm so glad to be her last roommate before she gets married. :)

These crazy people are all my roommates, and myself of course. This was our Valentine feast that I made. I love these girls!

Signed, Katrina Marie----> and till next time, stay golden :)

The Marvelous Adventures of Me

Well, I started off my break planning on going to Colorado to spend 2 weeks with my family, but as soon as I got to Colorado I ended up taking a job and flight out to Minot, North Dakota to work on a Santa set in the mall there. I made lots of money. :)

The only bad thing was that I missed Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my family, but I made it to my parent's house at about 10:30 am Christmas day thanks to the help of my Grandma and Grandpa Lehman.

Me and my family had fun on Christmas just hanging out. Then between my parents and friends the rest of my week was booked! It was fun though.

I hung out with my friend Cami one night at the movies, chilis, coldstones, then her house. It was a fun night.

I also got to see my friend April, my best friend all throughout High School (didn't get any pictures :( ). I missed her so much!

Me and my cousin (who is like a sister to me) Evy got to hang out a lot. We always have the funnest time no matter what we do, and we probably have about a million inside jokes together. I love her so much!

Me and my family went and played some disc golf (My dad's new favorite activity). We also played a lot of soccer, played a lot of games, and watched a lot of Harry Potter together.

I also drove my cousin, sisters, and their friends up to Colorado Springs on New Years Eve for a dance up there. They had tons of fun and should be posting some pictures soon (I unfortunately didn't get any).

Those are a few of the crazy adventures that went on these past couple weeks. I am so grateful for all the opportunities that I am able to take. I have learned to go with life as it comes. Don't ever miss out on a great opportunity just because it wasn't planned. Taking life as it comes makes it more exciting anyways.