The Therapy of Blame and Fault

This one is put more into a lyrical format. Inspiration came from past relationships/crushes/recent feelings of abandonment. (Don't worry: I'm happy. :) Writing this stuff down is my type of therapy, haha. Plus when I write it down it probably sounds 100X worse than it actually is). I'm so glad I have writing to turn to when I have no where else to go. No one can seem to want to listen to me as much as a simple pen and paper does. Haha...Cheesy...I know. ;)

The Therapy of Blame and Fault

Why can't I see the way you do?

What's wrong with this mindset I am in?

I can't be the only one who cares.

All I ever seem to get are vacant stares.

When I looked up deep into your eyes

There was never any sense of a surprise.

Who made you throw out my beating heart?

I entrusted it to you from the start.

And now I feel so alone;
Cause it's over and done 

Never to be held again.

But I'm cursed to live on strong. 

I have to make good and glad,

All the things I still have

The same way I thought you did

When life with you was grand.

Did I do something wrong that hurt you too?

What made me deserve the curves you threw?

How can I forget the things you said

When you misunderstood the thoughts inside my head?

Did my actions make you question me?

Or did I just make it way too easy?

What can I do to take it back?

Take it back, right now...

And now I feel so alone;
Cause it's over and done 

Never to be held again.

But I'm cursed to live on strong. 

I have to make good and glad,

All the things I still have

The same way I thought you did

When life with you was grand.

Move on,

Stay strong,

And say: Life's better without you anyway. (x4)

And now I feel so alone;
Cause it's over and done 

Never to be held again.

But I'm cursed to live on strong. 

I have to make good and glad,

All the things I still have

The same way I thought you did

When life with you was grand.

What made me so repulsive to you?

Why can't I just move on past this fool?

How can it be so easy to move on,

When it's very hard to forget

That there were reasons I liked him too.

Nightmare

This is inspired by some pretty sad dreams I had the other night. The one that inspired most of my writing this time wasn't necessarily horrible...It just brought to surface a lot of emotion. Don't read into it too much, but interpret it however you want of course. Writing this has actually helped me to get over the emotions I have been feeling. I've been having a hard time falling to sleep because of all the nightmares I've been having, so I'm glad I can get this all off of my mind and onto paper. Or I guess the internet. :)
(p.s. I know this isn't written out perfectly. I was just getting it all off my chest). :)

Nightmare

Now with each glistening blink of my eyes

Night-time has been something I've grown to despise 

I didn't want to leave

And I didn't want to break his heart the way he did to me

I couldn't fight this battle without having to die

I found out the truth, and the truth was he lied

I knew my strengths were meant for a different mission

How could I be so hurt yet so calm about his decision?

Where was I finding the sense in my pain?

He wore carelessness in his actions but regret and love on his face

Which was the whole reason I was going insane

His anger was his way of saying "I was wrong"

And "I'm sorry that you had to wait for so long"

I wanted so badly to be able to hold him and say everything would end up being okay

But I couldn't tell him because I couldn't stay

If I gave him my full heart, it would throw our friendship away

The embrace of hope that he gave me that day was only being seen in one heart's sight

Because on the other side was a lost mind and some tears fighting to stay out of the moonlight

This nightmare has not found my dream-catchers door

I don't have the strength to sleep anymore

I didn't want to lose 

But no matter what I decided to choose

The only way for me to win 

Was to give the win to him.

Heart of Glass

So, for all you Mormons out there, I think you would be interested to know where this inspiration of mine came from. :) I was in the Rexburg, Idaho temple last Friday and wrote a lot of stuff down about pure love. Not the "in love" type of love but the "pure love of everyone on Earth" kind of love. So I combined all those thoughts that I wrote down with some thoughts I had which were preventing me to fall asleep tonight and came up with this. I also just realized that Valentines day is this week. Perfect timing right?!
Anyways, I hope you all can take at least a little something from this.

Heart of Glass

Not one deeper emotion

Can set eternal forces into motion

It is the greatest power

It makes everything okay in your darkest hour

The comfort it ensures

Gives you hope and faith and the capacity to endure

It has no ultimate end

And brings you back into the arms on which you depend

It makes your heart look like clear glass

Which comes with the danger of breaking too fast

But be courageous and you will see

That heartbreak and trial teach you exactly how to be

Instead of only seeing the annoyances and flaws

Keep the good of others in your heart as a cause

Because everyone deserves love

It is here for the purpose to be made use of

Every living person has a beating heart

Some may be harder to reach but they can still be torn apart

So look and see them with your heart of glass

So that theirs can be opened and cared for at last

Love does not blind you

It opens your eyes

Opens them to things which would not be seen otherwise

The Feeling of No Words

You're stuck in my head

There's no getting rid of you

My heart is caught on your thread

And I can't keep you out of view

Time moves too fast

When I'm far away from you

And things in the past

Are what keep me getting through

There's no saying what the future may hold

It would be crazy to admit my thoughts of me and you

So for now all my thoughts will not quite be so bold

And I will let things happen exactly on que

I sound so irrational

My imagination is on fire for you

But I don't think these things because they're fashionable

I really am caught up in these things I can't construe

With all those smiles of comfort

Others have lost their say in how I feel about you

So for now I'll stay smart

And let your emotions shape mine too

Those Eyes

I'm not usually this easily mesmerized

It's just something about those eyes

I have to try extra hard to keep my cool

But your stare has a way of making me feel like a fool

Getting me lost is not an easy task

My heart is concealed in an armored mask

It's been broken and bruised

By too many countless dudes

But I have gotten smart

Not just anyone can meddle with my heart

Experience has me learned

To never love until it is earned

Yet those eyes make me question

My each and every past lesson

Talk is so easy to do

When staring right at you

When there are so many beautiful girls

And yet you choose the one with the long brown curls

It makes it hard to keep the armor on my heart

It curls my lips and tears my mind apart

Those eyes have seen so much

Yet they only see mine and my heart they touch

The new thoughts that are raging inside of my mind

Are clearly being made and defined

by THOSE EYES 

For Abelina

When we lose someone we love

Things are never the same

I know now that you are a beautiful angel above

Watching over those who love your name

There is a reason for every thing

Though it is hard to secure in my thoughts

You are up there with our Heavenly King

You are loved and you shine in my heart like a million watts

I will never fail to remember you

Being gone doesn't mean you are absent from my life

Up to heaven you flew

Yet you are still here to help me get through my trials and strife

Humanity Can Only Be Found on Two Knees

Humanity is gone

You are stuck in a world where people think right is wrong

Jolting your head back and forth

Because you no longer feel safe on this treacherous Earth

When you are even cautious to walk past your own window

That's when you know there's only one place to go

Your knees give you the needed embrace

For the tears and wrinkles which lay on your face

Bow your head and pour your heart

That's all you have left to give as your part

Innocents lay dead

And the cruelty of others will pound in your head

Living in fear seems to now be the end

And you have all seemed to have lost at least one of your friends

Comfort is scarce and hard to find

It's almost impossible to imagine a happy finish line

No one would ever think again to be surprised

When more hearts are shattered and no one ends up fine