Restless

It is two in the morning.
I have been lying in the dark for hours.
The memories cruising my mind keep me adoring.
Sleeping is rough; I just wish I had the power.
You keep storming through my brain;
Making me smile, making me long for your touch.
Our relationship is making me insane!
Should we be more? Or would that be too much?
Nothing feels more perfect than when I am with you.
Yet when I am away, things change.
Although, my heart is permanently pierced with those eyes so blue.
I can't help thinking that with one look into my mind, you would think my thoughts were strange.
Sleep, without you, has become a stranger.
In my thoughts, nightmares, and dreams you are always there.
I am risking my heart to be so prone to danger.
And for some strange reason, it all seems to be fair.
I have never missed some one person in so many ways.
And I have never fought so hard to try to keep things the same.
You are the reason my heart has been aching for so many days.
When I am with you, you are the only one who can keep my heart tame.
So perfect together; So unsure apart.
It's no wonder you have been able to mess with my heart.

Stronger Than A Mere Wish

Often times I get the desire to disappear for a day.

Just to turn off my phone and live.

Live a full day with no distractions to get in the way.

Live a full day with no fear to give.

Nothing to hold me back from doing any thing my heart desires.

To purely LIVE is all I wish to do.

I only want to have that honest, full-of-life, full-of-passion kind of feeling running through my wires.

It would be wonderful, at least for a day to run free in those shoes.

This is my new dream.

I'm Afraid of Not Being Lonely

I have created this comfortable place;

It keeps me strong from day to day.

It is where my mind will stay safe and secure

And all I will ever need is my own cold embrace.

I have conquered the world on my own.

I have learned to feel safety with no home.

Nothing can cut through this skin.

I've been training long and hard to be this happy alone.

It keeps me real in a world of pain.

It keeps me sane when I feel I am about to fall.

It gains me experience in this world full of decisions.

But madness tends to happen when it starts to rain.

I'm afraid of not being lonely.

I used to be so good at this game.

But lately I have started to wonder

If things are really better staying the same.

Oh, I've got this issue, it is very clear.

I have become too comfortable on my own.

I don't allow others to lift me up and carry me

Because of this deep, irrational fear.

You have brought to the surface what I have kept hidden.

I have been put in a confusing spell.

But I can't let it show or define me;

Which will make it impossible for you to find your way in. 

Yeah, I'm terrified of not being lonely.

So I am terrified of you.

You are strong enough to get it out of me.

But my consciousness doesn't want to let me lose this war; if only.

I am not afraid because I think too much.

That is something I am very used to.

I am only afraid because I wish to be comfortable

Only ever thinking of you.

I Admit I Am A Ridiculous Girl

This one is from June 18, 2013.

I Admit I Am A Ridiculous Girl

His smile is tender; His eyes are loving.

His words are nervous; His spirit is happy.

He smiled at me; He stared into my eyes.

Butterflies attacked me; I felt really sappy.

He asked for my name; Gave me his in return.

He needed to leave; He lingered as much as he could.

My eyes were blind to any imperfection.

I didn't want him to leave, for I'd miss him if he did.

His body was fit; His face was very handsome.

There was sweetness in his voice; There was protection in his stance.

I probable stared too much; I lost my control.

All I could do was daydream that I may have a chance.

His gaze was affectionate; His touch was gentle.

When our hands touched I wanted to melt.

He caught me off guard; I went a little mental.

I met him once and already felt this way.

I've been wishing for him all night and day.

Just to see that tender, handsome, gentle man,

Would make me the happiest girl in the world again.

My Senseless, Deepest Fear

Sorry it has been so long since I've put anything on here. I have a lot of catching up to do with saving stuff on here that I have written lately. Oops...Hopefully I will get that done soon. Here is the most recent thing I have written though. 

My Senseless, Deepest Fear

I never want to break a heart.

It has been done to me several times

And it is not something I would wish on anyone.

 I could never gladly throw that dart.

Especially at you, the gentleman of the year.

You treat me so well.

I am undeserving, and imperfect

And I get scared.

Why can't I let myself fall into the safety of your deep, loving well?

I could sleep in your strong arms for eternity

And get lost  in those big blue eyes until nothing else matters.

But I am a scared, selfish girl

And something good still terrifies the thought of you and me.

You have that checklist of qualities that I have always searched for.

So why, when the list glistens in front of my eyes,

Do I want to run away and hide?

Running is easy, until I see that heartbreak through your eyes.

Why am I so selfish when you give your whole self to me?

So much trust, love, and happiness galore.

Yet I am scared to commit and admit you may be the one.

Breaking hearts does not come easily in my nature.

You've never done anything to deserve being broken.

You're so wonderful in countless measurements and ways.

I live every day in hopes that I will finally be ready;

Ready to hope that love can cure this: my deepest fear.

I don't deserve your love,

But I cannot lose you.

The Hardest Goodbye

I like you a lot.

It feels like it may never stop.

But she likes you still

and she would hate me if she knew how I feel.

I cannot say yes to you

Because I would lose her friendship and you would too.

But I cannot say no to you

When you look at me the way that you do.

So from now on I will hide

And let the tears soak into my heart inside.

I will swallow my cries

Until I can move on without any despise.

Your friendship means the world

But it hurts so much in my chest I could hurl.

I can't make a move or get in the way,

Which is why I must hide. I just cannot stay.

She can't see the things that go on inside me.

So neither will you, because she would not leave us be.

I don't want to hurt either one of you

which is why I'll just hurt myself until I can get through.

No one will see it and my heart will mend

And I will find someone else for my happy end.

This heart inside me is weak and gets bruised, 

But my soul is stronger and knows I will not lose.

Life has a way of moving its course.

And love will come when it is meant to, not when it comes with remorse.

What the Cafeteria Window Showed Me

Sitting here alone in a cafeteria booth

I'm feeling uninspired by all the adult-youth.

They all sit in front of their laptops typing and reading away

And they don't even notice me staring at them in a kind of creepy way.

So I stare off out the window and one girl comes into my view.

She is staring off into the distance as if she's in deep thought of something new.

Her eyes sparkle with the confidence that she is on her own.

Her posture gives the sense of peace and serenity of being there alone.

Though strangers barely recognize her, she observes them all so well;

Being curious to what their stories are and if they have ever fell.

She is okay with being alone in times like this

Because she knows that coincidences do not exist.

Life has so much meaning to her.

And I know this all because

The girl whom I was staring at was my own reflection in the window-like mirror.